This is the first short story

DDDDDD EEEEEE FFFFFF

GGGGGG HHHHHH IIIIII

JJJJJJ KKKKKK LLLLLL

MMMMMM NNNNNN OOOOOO

PPPPPP QQQQQQ RRRRRR

SSSSSS TTTTTT UUUUUU

VVVVVV WWWWWW XXXXXX

YYYYYY ZZZZZZ

STAR TREK

The Lost Episode

       The Enterprise has been stopped in space by an unknown force. Being decelerated from Warp six to zero in two seconds has left the crew cranky.

       James Kirk, hero of the galaxy, sits in his command chair. He is holding his stomach in, trying to look macho. He is reasonably successful.

       ``Sensor readings, Spock.''

       Spock, a half-human/half-Vulcan we won't get into the likelihood of centuries of evolution on isolated planets producing species that can mate productively here, but don't worry, we'll get to it later is hunched over his viewer, which casts a blue glow around his eyes. He blinks at it, irritated.

       ``Sir, the sensors read this object as pure energy, of a type never before recorded.''

       At this, Sulu stands up and faces the Captain.

       ``Captain,'' he says, ``that is ridiculous. There is no such thing as `pure energy'. An object can contain kinetic energy, or potential energy, or chemical energy, or some other form of energy, but energy by itself is not possible.''

       In the middle of his sentence, he mysteriously closes his eyes and slumps to the floor. Fortunately, Spock has quietly slipped directly behind him, and is able to break his fall.

       ``Spock!'' Kirk says, ``what happened to Sulu?''

       ``Unknown, Captain. Mr. Sulu seems to be suffering from a sudden loss of biochemical energy. Readings indicate that he will recover shortly, though, with no ill effects.''

       ``What could have caused it?''

       Spock looks around guiltily. ``Um, well, there are many possibilities. I prefer to cogitate upon them awhile longer.''

       ``Very well. Take Mr. Sulu down to sick bay. By the way, Spock, is something wrong? If you were human, one might almost say you looked guilty.''

       Spock raises an eyebrow at him. ``Sir, as you know, I am not capable of experiencing that emotion.'' He lifts Sulu into his arms and heads for the turbolift.

       ``Captain,'' Uhura says, ``I'm receiving a message from the object.''

       ``On audio, Lieutenant.''

       ``Aye aye, sir.''

       ``Run it through the Universal Translator, would you, Mr. Chekov?''

       Chekov hits a few buttons, which causes some lights to flicker on the console in front of him. He then puts a twisty earplug into his right ear and plays with a round dial. The alien music is immediately replaced by a deep, resonant bass voice saying ``Danger! Danger! Warning! Warning! To all ships who encounter this probe and can understand this warning, stay away! Whatever you do, don't go to the star system off to your left! If you do, by no means go to the third planet, which the locals call Ert! I mean it! Don't go there! We don't want you to! That should be enough, right? I mean, what do we have to do, blow you to smithereens? All we want is to be left alone! We don't want any interference in our culture! Leave us alone! Go bother the Romulans! They like visitors! Really! Just stay away from us!''

       Kirk flips a switch on his chair arm.

       ``All hands, this is the Captain. Our mission is to seek out new life, and new civilizations. No one ever said they had to like it. Captain out.''

       Kirk breaks the connection, leaving the entire crew, aside from those few who were present on the bridge during the alien message, wondering what the heck he was talking about. Through the turbolift enters Mr. Xorq, the Special Representative of the Low Tier of planet Alpha Lambda. He is a little, green man, who is wearing his traditional headdress, which resembles a Trojan War helmet topped by an inverted shoe brush. As Alpha Lambda Nu is a major source of dilithium crystals for much of this part of the galaxy, their continued good will is important to the Federation. This is a good thing for Mr. Xorq, who otherwise probably would have been beamed into deep space long ago.

       ``Captain Kirk,'' he says, in a strange, whining voice.

       ``Mr. Xorq,'' Kirk replies. ``What can I do for you?''

       ``Am I to understand that our voyage is to be delayed?''

       ``Yes, sir. We have encountered an alien signal buoy, and it is our duty to investigate its source.''

       ``But I don't want to investigate its source,'' Xorq whines. ``I wanna go to Alpha Lambda Nu! And I wanna go there now!''

       ``We will, sir. But our primary mission is to seek out new life; new civilizations.''

       ``But you promised! You said we could go to Alpha Lambda Nu! I'm gonna tell the Low Tier on you, and then you and you're stupid Federation will be in big trouble!''

       ``Mr. Xorq''

       ``Captain,'' Chekov interrupts, ``that Cossack out there has fired at us!''

       The viewscreen shows a rapidly growing greenish blob, heading straight for them.

       ``Evasive action, Mr. Chekov!'' Kirk barks.

       Chekov, currently sitting at the science station, makes a mad dash for his console. He trips on the steps and falls into a heap on the deck, and begins cursing loudly in Russian.

       Uhura yells for attention. ``Captain, look!'' she says, stating the very obvious. Don't be too hard on her, though; it's one of her few lines.

       Everyone's eyes are riveted on the viewscreen as the blob makes impact. The lights go out momentarily, indicating a loss of power, but fortunately the artificial gravity holds.

       Spock returns through the turbolift and dashes to his station. He leans over his viewer, which is still shining a blue light into his eyes. He fiddles with the knob on the side until it goes away.

       ``Status report, Mr. Spock,'' Kirk commands.

       ``The ship sustained minor damage. We do seem to be engulfed in a highly viscous material that is clogging all of our exhaust ports.''

       ``You mean?''

       ``Yes, Captain.'' Spock straightens and grimaces. ``We've been slimed.''

       Kirk sets his jaw firmly. ``Mr. Chekov,'' he says, ``set course for Ert, warp five.''

       ``Aye aye, sir.''

       ``Oh, gee,'' laments Xorq.

       ``Standard orbit, Captain,'' says Sulu, who has returned from Sickbay seemingly cured of his strange malady.

       ``Thank you, Mr. Sulu. Spock, any information available in the library computer about this planet?''

       Spock sits at his console and flips a switch. ``Computer,'' he says.

       Typewriter noises are heard in the background.

       ``Working.''

       ``Cross-reference to any information on the planet Ert.''

       ``Unable to comply.''

       Spock raises an eyebrow. ``Explain.''

       ``All computational power currently busy computing pi to the last decimal place.''

       Spock turns a mild shade of orange, which